


Trust, Service and Beer

by Zoi no miko (zoi_no_miko)



Series: Corporate AU [1]
Category: Mirrors (2008)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, Angst, Blow Jobs, Erotica, M/M, Office Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-06
Updated: 2013-03-16
Packaged: 2017-11-28 09:07:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/672678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zoi_no_miko/pseuds/Zoi%20no%20miko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ben should have known from the beginning that hiring the handsome ginger with the contageous smirk to work for him would bring him nothing but trouble....</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It occurs to me that this is barely even fanfiction. Oh well. Yay for gay sex!

"I want you to tell me what you think of your possible replacement."

Ben looked up from the report he was working on to see his director standing in his office doorway, a file in one hand. He pushed his chair away from his desk, giving the man a smile. "I wasn't aware I was being replaced, Mike. Was filling your office with flamingos the last straw?"

His boss snorted, moving to settle in the chair beside his desk, handing the folder to him. "Hardly. Jason's finally decided to take an early retirement. They want me to take over. I told them my only condition was that you take my place."

Ben felt a warm rush of pride at the man's words. Michael Watson had been the director of Supply Chain and Logistics at Gotou Electronics ever since Ben had started at the company as a temporary warehouse hand when he was eighteen. He'd always been very hands on with his employees; Mike had been the one to convince Ben to make his employment more permanent in a supervisor position, and had always encouraged his professional development. Five years ago, when his then-manager had let himself be wooed away by a headhunter, Mike had also been the one who had encouraged him to apply for the position. And even as a director he'd never been above getting his hands dirty; when crunch time came at the end of the sales quarter, he put in as much overtime as everyone else in order to make sure they got as much product as possible out the door.

For the past six months he'd been doing double duty, covering for the VP of operations, who had been spending more and more time on the golf courses. Ben had quietly taken on some of his work without being asked, more than willing to help lighten his workload, even if it meant putting in a few extra hours a week. "Wow. And they agreed? HR isn't going to force you to post for the position?"

"When you get to the VP level, you get certain rights," Mike replied chuckling and leaning back in his chair. "You already know the job. You've earned this, Ben. Besides, HR likes to show off employees who work their way up from entry level. Makes them look good. They want you to stick around."

Ben smiled, leaning back in his chair and leafing through the file, which contained a resume and notes from previous interviews. "The company's been good to me, I'm not going anywhere. But I appreciate the opportunity. And I'm glad Jason is finally giving up his crown to you." He glanced over the notes before turning back to the interview page and reading the header. Laurence F. Byrne. He hadn't seen the name before. "An external hire?"

Mike nodded. "Neither of the warehouse supervisors have enough experience to take over for you yet, and Stuart's set on going back to school, anyway. We put the word out to a few different departments but I wasn't really impressed with how any of the interviews went. This guy was a referral from one of the sales guys. He's keen. I have a couple other possibilities if you don't think he'll work out, but he's been the most promising candidate so far. He's been managing the Starbucks distribution center here, but I think he'll adapt well to our corporate culture."

"If you think he's the best I'm fine with that."

"This is your team now," Mike replied seriously. "You need to be able to depend on him as much as I have on you, which means that it doesn't matter how good he is if your personalities don't mesh. You have the final say, not me. So if you're free at four this afternoon he'll be in for his final interview with you. I'll have his offer letter ready by then so that if you approve we can get things rolling right away. We've got a month and a half until Jason leaves, and I want you to have time to do as much training with him as you can before I leave you on your own."

"Okay." Ben set the file aside. "Thanks. And congratulations on the promotion."

"Likewise," Mike replied, winking at him and heading out of the room.

Ben left his office a little before four, making his way to the front of the building to where Human Resources had their interview rooms. He ducked in to use the bathroom on his way, standing in front of the mirror for a few moments and smoothing a strand of his blond hair behind his ear, straightening his tie. He found himself wishing he'd worn a full suit to work, and felt suddenly nervous about the whole situation. What if he hired the guy and it didn't work out? What if he couldn't keep track of the warehouse? Ben had worked hard to build his current team, and the possibility of someone with poor management skills coming in and ruining things made his stomach knot in worry.

Mike wouldn't bring in someone that couldn't do the job, he tried to remind himself. He had good judgement, his own promotions were just one of many things which proved that. Things would be okay.

He made his way to the room the interview had been booked into, rapping lightly on the door before sliding it open. "Laurence?"

The man inside stood as he entered; taller than Ben by several inches - though that wasn't uncommon - with a thick head of auburn hair and cool blue eyes. He was dressed very well, his charcoal gray suit fitted nicely to his frame, which itself spoke of the kind of wiry fitness of someone used to physical work. He had a generous mouth which widened in a smile as he extended his hand. "Larry, please. You must be Ben Carson?"

His handshake was firm and confident, and Ben found himself smiling back, finding himself feeling strangely at ease as he sat down, setting the folder he'd been carrying on the table. "I am. Have a seat, please. I'm sorry if I'm not as prepared for this as I normally would be, I only found out about it a few hours ago. Mike figured he'd surprise me with the org change. He thinks you'd be a good candidate for taking over my warehouse."

"I'd like to think I have a knack for running a pretty tight ship," the man replied, still smiling, and Ben couldn't help but find it infectious. Something about the man was very approachable, he decided, finding himself liking him immediately. They talked for a few moments about the company and the position, and the longer they spoke the more confident Ben felt in Mike's decision.

"Okay," he said, leaning back in his chair and watching him. "I won't torture you with too many more standard interview questions, I've read all the notes. I like your experience, I think you could pick up the job here easily. But tell me. How do you keep your team happy and motivated?"

Larry paused for a moment, considering. "Trust," he said finally. "Trust, service and beer."

Ben chuckled despite himself. "Do you make it a habit of bribing your staff with alcohol?"

"When company policy allows it," Larry replied with a shrug and a little grin. "It's just part of the bigger picture. I believe very strongly that a manager serves his team, not the other way around. People want to feel like their boss trusts them to self manage and do their job, and that they can always come to him for help. When you show that kind of trust in someone and keep them engaged in their work, they tend to try not to let you down. The beer just helps them trust each other. At Starbucks we used to bring in a case of beer on Friday afternoons and pipe sports games over the PA. When the company updated their alcohol policy I set up an after work event once a month at the nearby pub and told them we could leave early if the work got done. It was easy enough to accomplish with a bit of motivation and some help on my end."

It made Ben think of his own relationships with his team, and he found himself beginning to see why Mike had thought this man would be a good fit. "Did you invite your director along?"

Larry caught his gaze and smirked, voice lowering slightly, and Ben felt his heart skip a beat unexpectedly. "I could invite my director, if he wanted to come."

It was nerves, Ben told himself firmly. Nerves and anticipation of the changes to come. Not desire. He smiled. "When can you start?"

The man grinned, leaning forward in his chair. "I have to give Starbucks two weeks notice. Are you offering me the job?"

"If you're interested," Ben replied, taking a copy of the offer letter from the folder and passing it across the table. "Is there anything you'd like to know from me?"

Larry scanned the letter, giving a slow, approving nod, then set it down on the table in front of him and looked up at Ben. "Well, there is one thing," he said slowly, almost hesitantly. "Just to make sure you actually want to give me this. From what I've heard, Gotou's equality and anti-discrimination policies are pretty progressive, but I know warehouse environments can be more of a good old boy's club. Do you think this will be an issue for your team?"

For a moment Ben couldn't follow. "Do I think what will be an issue?"

"If their manager is gay," Larry replied simply, with a little shrug, watching him carefully. "I'm afraid I'm not very good at staying in the closet once I get to know people."

The declaration made Ben feel strangely exhilarated, and even more encouraged. "They don't care about me," he said, coming out as bluntly as the other man had. He'd been nervous about it, once upon a time, and he wasn't exactly loud about it now, but people knew. It was far more interesting to him to find out that Larry swung that way, though he very firmly told himself not to even consider contemplating anything.

"That's good to hear." Larry looked notably relieved. "Let me take this home with me and talk to Starbucks and I'll get it back to you with a start date?"

"Perfect." Ben stood, offering his hand again. "I'm looking forward to working with you."

"Me too," Larry replied, voice softening, and Ben let himself hold to the handshake just a moment too long, despite telling himself that the fluttery feeling in his stomach meant nothing, nothing at all.  
~~~

 

By the time Larry started training with him, Ben was certain he had any inappropriate feelings under control. In any case, there was no use contemplating something that definitely could never happen. A good working relationship, a possible friendship... that he could consider. That was worth looking forward to.

His first impressions of the man hadn't been wrong. Larry was a quick learn, keen and enthusiastic, and had the kind of easygoing, accepting personality that quickly won over the warehouse staff. It made Ben feel confident about letting him take over. What surprised him more was how much they ended up having in common, and before long they were talking hockey over coffee and a cigarette and music over lunch, swapping stories with an easy familiarity. It had been a while since Ben had felt so immediately comfortable around someone. And if he enjoyed the man's company a little more than he should, well... no one else had to know about it. Nothing else would ever happen.

By the last month of the quarter Larry was pretty much running things solo, apart from a half hour at the end of every day that Ben blocked off in his calendar to touch base with him and make sure everything was going alright. As any conscientious boss would do, he told himself. The fact that it was a nice way to unwind at the end of the day was just a happy coincidence. And Larry still showed up to drag Ben away from his work for lunch daily, and coffee whenever they could.

He was on the phone with his younger brother Daniel when Larry arrived at the door of his new office one lunch time. He gave the other man a smile, holding up a finger in apology as he finished his phone conversation. "My lunch meeting is here, dear, I have to run. Have the leftover pasta in the fridge, all right? I'll pick up something on the way home for dinner."

"Thanks dear heart, I appreciate it. Love you."

"Love you too," Ben replied, smiling, and hung up the phone before standing, offering Larry a smile. "Sorry."

"No worries." Larry glanced to the phone and quirked an eyebrow. "Mr. Carson?"

"Yeah?" Ben was briefly confused by the sudden formality before realizing what Larry was asking. "Oh! No, no. My younger brother, Daniel." He laughed, feeling uncomfortably flustered, and tried to push it away. "So still Mr. Carson, technically, just not... you know. He's rooming with me while he finishes his MBA. There's - I don't have anyone else."

"Me neither," Larry replied casually, as if Ben wasn't flustered at all. He kept talking as they made their way through the halls towards the cafeteria. "It's so easy to become a workaholic, hey? Not a lot of time left to play the dating game. And Christ, the commute to Starbucks was hell. I can't even begin to tell you how much nicer it is to have a commute that's only half an hour even in rush hour. Speaking of, there's this great little pub about twenty minutes away. I was thinking of doing a teambuilding on Friday the second. Figured we could use the first to mop up after end of quarter and get our ducks in a row, then let the guys go over around two on Friday, have a couple of drinks and let them head home before rush hour."

Ben was relieved to be talking about something other than being single. He tried not to think about it. "Yeah, that sounds like a really good plan. Go ahead and book it. It'll be nice to have something to look forward to through end of quarter."

"Thanks." Larry turned to face him as they got into line in the cafeteria. "You going to come too?"

Drinks. Single. Bad idea. But he really ought to do something with the staff before completely passing the torch to Larry, shouldn't he? "Yeah, I'll come out, we'll put the first round on the company card. Assuming I'm invited."

"Always," Larry replied, voice softening a little, and Ben tried not to read too much into it. "I'd like it if you could come."

"Of course," Ben replied, and spent the first hour of the afternoon re-reading the company fraternization policy to convince himself not to think about anything else.

~~~

 

End of quarter was as busy as it always was, but beyond a minor product shortage it went remarkably smooth. Ben was more impressed when Larry asked him if he'd be willing to take over his old manager job for the last two days, coordinating the order shipping while Larry joined a warehouse team, rolling up his sleeves and hauling product around himself. He was good, Ben had to admit it. Just the kind of employee he needed, which was all the more reason not to fuck this up.

Working kept him busy enough that he almost didn't have time to worry about Friday.

We he finally left the office on Friday afternoon to go to the pub, he'd managed to convince himself that it was all going to be fine, that there was no way he couldn't handle a couple hours of drinks with people he'd known for years, even with Larry there. Half his warehouse staff were already there when he arrived and had claimed a corner of the pub, the tables pushed together to form a half-hazard V. Larry caught his eye and waved him over, moving over on the banquet to make room between him and Stuart, one of the warehouse supervisors. Stuart grinned as well, pulling a bag off the bench beside him and setting it on the table in front of Ben. "For you, boss. The guys wanted to congratulate you on the new position."

Ben hadn't expected it, and smiled, pulling the bag towards him. "Wow, thanks guys. I'm touched."

Larry snorted. "Don't say that 'till you read the card."

Inside the bag was a surprisingly nice bottle of wine, and a card in an envelope. Ben opened it. " _We're all going to miss you,_ " he read aloud, opening it to a scrawl of notes and signatures and the rest of the message. " _Now we have to find someone else to make the rest of us look good by comparison._ Nice. Thanks guys."

Stuart clapped him on the shoulder. "From the bottom of our black little hearts. What are you drinking? I'll buy you a beer."

"We've got the first round," Ben replied with a smile. "And a couple of platters to munch on. Thanks for your hard work, all of you. We had a good end of quarter."

The announcement was met with much enthusiasm, but Stuart still elbowed him in the ribs. "I'm buying your second beer, then."

"And I've got your third," Larry added, waiving the waitress over.

Ben stared at him. "Why are you - "

"Be quiet and drink." Larry smirked and ordered a beer.

An hour and a half and six beers later, Ben began to realize he wasn't going to be driving home any time soon. He'd put the first round of drinks and the platters of food on his corporate Visa, impressed by the happy hour prices, but when it came time to pay for the rest discovered everything was paid up. The staff had trickled away in ones and twos, finally leaving just him and Larry, who tipped the waitress well, bidding farewell with the familiarity of a regular.

"You've got a good bunch of guys working under you," Larry said as they headed out, lighting up a cigarette.

"Yours now," Ben pointed out, deciding that smoking was a very good idea and lighting one himself. "Thanks for planning this. It was fun."

"It was," Larry agreed, quiet for a moment as he took a long drag of his cigarette. "How are you getting home?"

Ben let out a long breath. "Fuck. Calling a cab, I guess. I'm definitely not in a state to drive. You?"

Larry didn't answer, and Ben glanced over to find the other man watching him. Something in his expression seemed intent and nervous all at the same time. He took a drag of his cigarette, then spoke finally, soft and slow. "I... I live five minutes away on foot, I walked here. I was thinking, you know, if you don't want to waste money on a cab, the Kings game starts in about half an hour. You could come by for a bit and watch the game. Sober up. We could order pizza."

Shit. Ben's heart stopped momentarily, then resumed beating much faster. He took another drag of his cigarette as he tried frantically to figure out a response. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" he managed finally, which sounded weak even to his own ears.

Larry wet his lips, the glimpse of his tongue against their fullness tantalizing. "I think it's the... logical solution... to our current situation. Don't you?"

Ben closed his eyes for a moment as he exhaled, trying to remember why he couldn't do this, trying to convince himself that Larry wasn't right. "... dammit."

Beside him, Larry took another drag, ashing the cigarette onto the pavement. He suddenly sounded uncertain. "If you don't want to come by...."

"Let's go," Ben heard himself say hoarsely, and he swallowed hard, looking up at Larry. "I want to."

"Okay." Larry flashed him a brief, nervous smile, and Ben felt his hand against his back for a moment that was much too short. "This way."

They were quiet through much of the walk, finishing cigarettes, flicking away the butts. The sensible part of Ben was trying to tell him to turn around and return to the bar, but he ignored it, instead reaching for Larry's hand and twining their fingers together, squeezing lightly. It earned him a squeeze back and a surprised smile from his co-worker.

Ben returned the smile. "You realize this is probably the worst idea ever."

"Probably," Larry agreed, taking him up the stairs of a modern condo complex and punching in a code to open the door without letting go of his hand. He took Ben to the elevator, stroking the back of his hand with his thumb almost restlessly. "I guess I'm just thinking... maybe we just... need to get this out of our systems?"

"Maybe," Ben replied, unconvinced, his stomach churning in a combination of nerves and anticipation as the elevator ascended. He glanced up at Larry as he took them down the hall to unlock the door of his unit. "Work can't know about this. No one can know about this."

"I know," Larry replied, shutting his apartment door behind them with an almost soundless, nervous laugh. "Don't want to fuck you over, Ben." He swallowed visibly, voice husky. "Just really want to fuck."

"God." Ben felt his cock jerk in arousal at his words and the tone of his voice. He reached up to slide his fingers through Larry's thick auburn hair, lips parting as he watched the other man's eyes fall closed at the touch. "This won't effect anything at work, I promise you that. Can you promise me the same?"

Blue eyes opened to meet his gaze, dark and intent. "Promise," Larry murmured, leaning closer. "Ben...."

It was all the encouragement he needed to close the distance between them, leaning up and bringing his lips to Larry's in a slow, lingering caress. The lush fullness of his lips felt as good as he'd imagined; better was the low, needy little groan from deep in Larry's throat as his hands slipped around Ben's waist, pulling him closer. It was so good to finally give in and kiss him, sucking at those lips, tasting and claiming his mouth like he'd wanted to for so long.

When they parted for breath, Larry let his forehead rest against his, bringing one hand up to stroke through his hair. "Game should be on soon. You want a beer?"

Ben drew away, quirking an eyebrow. "You still want to watch the game?"

Larry's smile was warm and promising. "Thought it might be nice to just relax and have a beer and... see where things go."

It sounded like an easy way to spend the evening, without any pressure for what Ben was sure would end up being more. He smiled, leaning in to brush his lips against Larry's again. "I'd like that."

He ended up settled in the crook of Larry's very nice black leather sectional, his feet up on the ottoman with a beer in one hand and his other arm wrapped around Larry's shoulders. It was comfortable, being close to him, and even nicer to steal slow, yearning kisses from Larry during commercial breaks that slowly stoked his desire.

He helped Larry bring the empty beer cans into the kitchen during the break after the first period, taking a glass of water back into the living room over another beer in an attempt to sober up at least a little. The television was still showing interviews and replays, so he pulled Larry close for another kiss. "This was a good idea."

Larry nipped lightly at his bottom lip, one hand stroking up his chest as he nuzzled his jaw. "Beer and hockey?"

"Mmm. And coming here with you." It was hard to keep his hands off the other man, kissing and licking along the sinews of his neck and sucking on his skin as Larry tilted his head back breathlessly to allow better access. He loved the feel of Larry's body through the fine cotton of his shirt, firm and promising the perfect amount of muscle. He loved more the scent of his skin and the remains of his cologne, warm and masculine and alluring. Larry's fingers tangled in his hair, encouraging more, so he tugged open the top button of his shirt to nip at and suck the crook of his neck, groaning at the soft cry it pulled from Larry's lips.

In seemingly no time Larry was kneeling over him, tearing hungry kisses from his mouth, fingers tugging at the knot of his tie. Ben had been half-erect just from his kisses through most of the first period, and it was hard not to lose himself to desire now. "Been wanting to do this since I met you...." Ben breathed his admission against his mouth, hands stroking up Larry's sides, pulling his shirt and undershirt out of his slacks to stroke the bare skin underneath. "God, Larry, you're so fucking sexy...."

"Me?" Larry's laugh was soft and disbelieving, and he pulled away to look at him, pupils blown wide, lips pink and kiss bruised. "God. You're like, every single one of my fantasies, blondie...."

Ben chuckled, one hand still under his shirt, stroking his side slowly as he quirked an eyebrow. "You have a fetish for short guys?"

"You're not that short. Besides, I think what's important...." Larry's eyes darkened as he moved his hand from Ben's tie, stroking down his stomach to palm Ben's cock through his slacks. His eyes narrowed slightly, breath coming a little faster. "Jesus Christ."

Ben couldn't help but smile, arching up against his palm and drawing a soft hiss at the stimulation. "Yeah?"

Larry gave a low, appreciative groan under his breath, squeezing Ben's cock lightly as he stroked along the length. "Now you're definitely every one of my fantasies."

"And we're just getting started," Ben replied with a smirk, pulling him in for another hungry kiss, tugging more of his shirt buttons undone as he stroked one hand stroking up his thigh to caress the hard bulge of his cock through his slacks in return.

It was hard to let go of him when the game came back on. Larry placed one last, yearning kiss to his lips before pulling away to cuddle up against his side again, one hand still in his lap, fingers stroking slowly, almost idly along the length of his cock. It was quite possibly the most distracted Ben had ever been during a game of hockey, which he would have been dismayed about if it didn't feel so fucking good.

Larry leaned up again to nuzzle his jaw when the next set of commercials came on, slowly and deliberately undoing his belt before popping open the button on his pants. His voice against Ben's ear was low and husky. "How would you feel about me blowing you during the commercial breaks, handsome...?"

Ben's breath came out raggedly as he exhaled, lost for a moment in the caress of Larry's fingers through the thin cotton of his underwear. "I'd say that's the hottest fucking thing anyone's ever said to me. I don't think I can come in three minutes, though," he warned, but Larry just chuckled, pulling back for a slow kiss as he slipped a hand into Ben's boxers to curl around his cock.

"There's no rush," he murmured, giving Ben a promising smirk before sliding down, tugging Ben's cock free of its constraints and giving a low, appreciative hum. "God, you're gorgeous," he murmured, licking a stripe up the underside of his cock from root to tip before curling his fingers around the base, sucking at the head and teasing it with his tongue. "So thick... god, I can't wait to go to bed with you...."

Ben slid his fingers into his lover's thick auburn hair, stroking his scalp and the back of his neck and stalwartly resisting the urge to push him down more onto his cock. As desperately turned on as he felt, it definitely wasn't every day that someone offered to blow you during a hockey game, and he was more than happy to let Larry call the shots. He bit his lip on a groan as Larry's lips slid down his shaft, his mouth hot and wet and definitely, definitely well versed in doing this.

He was hardly aware that the game was on again when Larry pulled back, pressing a kiss to the tip of his cock before resting his head on his chest, still stroking him slowly. "Mmmmm...."

Ben drew his attention half back to the TV, stroking his fingers over the back of Larry's neck and shoulder as he tried to slow his breathing. "You're really good at that."

"I'm inspired," Larry replied, chuckling softly and leaning down again briefly to flick his tongue against the head of Ben's cock. "My inner size queen is panting like a bitch in heat."

Ben chuckled softly, still stroking his back. "Wasn't sure you'd be the type to bottom."

"Depends." Larry shrugged. "Sex is sex, semantics don't matter so much to me as long as I've got an attentive partner...." the game distracted them both at that point as the goalie for the Kings made a spectacular save, and Ben couldn't help but think that this was definitely the best game he'd ever watched.

By the time the second period came to a close Ben wasn't really paying any attention to the game, and he was certain Larry wasn't, either. The slow, almost teasing stroke of his fingers on Ben's cock had become more urgent, and he had his lips wrapped around his shaft more often than not, making little hungry noises deep in his throat as he bobbed on him. Larry's fingers moved from the base of his cock to cup and caress his sack through his boxers, and with an almost desperate sounding groan he swallowed Ben almost to the hilt.

Ben bucked up into his mouth a little before he could stop himself, fingers clenching in his hair, and he bit hard at his bottom lip. It was almost maddening, after the slow build of intensity. "Oh my fucking god, Lar... oh fuck, please don't stop...."

The moan Larry gave around him was both wanton and encouraging as he repeated the motion, throat tight around the head of his cock, and when he pulled off Ben almost whimpered in dismay.

Larry urged his thighs apart, moving off the couch to kneel between them and lick up the underside of his cock. His breath was hot against Ben's sensitive, engorged flesh, and he raised blue eyes to meet Ben's gaze as his lips slid slowly down his shaft again. The sight of his cock disappearing past those lush lips was almost enough to make Ben come right there. "Want you to come in my mouth," Larry murmured huskily, then swallowed him down again before Ben could even think to respond, moaning hungrily around him as if he was the one getting head and not giving it.

"You're fucking amazing," Ben managed to gasp in response, fingers clenching at his shoulders. He couldn't help but rock up into the slick heat of Larry's mouth just a little more as he bobbed on him, feeling his balls tighten as he grew close. "Oh fuck, Lar, gonna make me come so fucking hard - !"

Larry gave a slightly desperate, encouraging groan around him, and in moments the intensity of sensation had pulled him over the edge, hard shudders of pleasure overwhelming him as he came in Larry's mouth in slick spurts. Larry took it eagerly, swallowing around him before finally pulling back, breathlessly licking the last drops of come from the head of his cock. "Oh god, yes...."

"Uhh," Ben managed in agreement, trying to catch his breath. He stroked one hand over Larry's cheek, brushing his mouth with a thumb affectionately only to have Larry catch it between his lips, sucking hungrily as he looked up at Ben through his eyelashes with a low, appreciative moan.

"Come here," Ben murmured, tugging him back up onto the couch only to urge him down against the other arm. He crawled over him to catch his mouth in a hard kiss, feeling a warm surge of satisfaction at the taste of his own seed on Larry's lips. His fingers had already found the buckle of Larry's belt, pulling it undone and his slacks open to push a hand inside to cup his erection. Larry gave a little desperate noise against his mouth as he bucked up into the touch, the head of his cock slick with arousal, and his fingers dug into Ben's back as Ben smoothed a thumb over the head of his cock, slicking it down his shaft.

"Not gonna last long," he warned with a breathless laugh, and that was really all the encouragement Ben needed.

He grinned against Larry's mouth and kissed him again, hard and brief and promising, then slid down the length of his body, yanking his slacks and boxers down and taking him in his mouth.

It was easy to lose himself completely to this, to the pleasure of a hard cock between his lips, the feel of his skin and ridges against the flat of his tongue. Ben pulled away to suck at the head indulgently, drawing the end of his tongue against it in a teasing flicker before licking up the salty bitter precum that leaked from the tip. Then he let his lips slide down the shaft, taking him with a low groan until the head of his cock nudged the back of Ben's throat. Just as intoxicating were the breathless gasps it pulled from Larry's lips, his hips bucking up a little to urge more, hands sliding through Ben's hair and over the back of his neck.

"God, you drive me crazy..." Larry's voice was rough from pleasure, breaking into a sharp gasp as Ben let his teeth just brush along the length of his swollen shaft.

Ben let his eyes fall closed, groaning around him, sucking harder for a moment before pulling away to look up at him. "Don't hold back," he said, then took him again, beginning to blow him more earnestly, one hand cupping and caressing his sack and the soft skin behind it. It was easy to work with the little desperate bucks of Larry's hips, the knowledge of his pleasure intoxicating, and Ben suddenly realized he was thinking very dangerous thoughts like 'again' and 'next time', and that he'd always wanted this. More than this.

He could feel Larry's fingers tightening in his hair, heard his gasped warning, but Ben definitely didn't care. He let himself relax, humming around him as he swallowed him to the hilt, feeling a rush of satisfaction as Larry jerked up against him helplessly and came, hot and slick and salty and perfect.

"Perfect," Larry gasped, breath ragged as he came down, stroking his fingers through Ben's hair, and give a slightly incredulous laugh. "Fuck, Ben, _everything_...."

Ben chuckled, amused by how unintentionally smug he sounded. He flicked his tongue once more against the head of Larry's softening cock before pressing a kiss to his pelvis, then shifted to fit himself between Larry and the back of his couch, resting his head on his chest.

Larry grabbed one of the glasses of water off the table behind the couch - didn't really matter whose it was anymore, Ben thought - and took a long swallow before offering it to him with a languid half smile. Ben took it, taking a drink and setting it aside before settling down to rest his head on Larry's chest again, turning his attention to the sportscasters on the TV. "We missed a goal," he noted.

"Sorry," Larry replied, though the rather pleased tone to his voice made Ben believe he was anything but. He stretched against him, one arm tightening around Ben, making no move to refasten his clothes. "Best hockey game _ever._ "

"And we still have the whole third period," Ben noted, grinning.

"Then bed?"

Ben wet his lips, very much liking the idea of sticking around for a long, slow fuck. "Definitely. If I haven't overstayed my welcome yet."

Larry chuckled, pressing a kiss to his hair. "Not in the least, handsome." He turned his attention to the TV, fingers drawing idle circles on his back. "Mm... maybe next time we should fuck before the game...."

Ben raised his head to look up at him. "Do you want there to be a next time?"

Larry glanced away, seeming suddenly a little uncertain. "If you do."

"Hey." Ben reached up to cup his cheek, shifting closer to press a soft kiss to his lips. "I'm asking you, handsome."

Larry's eyebrows quirked. "Because you're my boss."

"That's part of it, yeah." Ben leaned in to kiss him again, slow and hopefully reassuring. "I want you to call the shots," he said softly, seriously, holding his gaze. "I definitely want to see you again, but the last thing I want is for you to feel threatened or obligated in any way to do what I want."

Larry wet his lips a bit nervously, letting out a soft breath. "I really want to see you again, Ben."

Ben smiled, drawing him close again for another kiss. God, why was it so hard to resist his mouth? "Then I should pursue you until you tell me otherwise?"

"You'd better," Larry replied, holding him closer.

~~~~


	2. Chapter 2

"Can I steal you away for a cigarette?"

Ben found himself unable to hold back a smile at the familiar voice, and he glanced up to see the man who'd been occupying his thoughts all weekend hovering in his office doorway, perhaps a little uncertainly. He caught Larry's gaze and watched him relax a little. "Yeah, just give me a minute to finish this email. Come in." He hesitated for a moment, then gave in. "Close the door behind you."

"Sure." Wetting his lips, Larry stepped inside, watching Ben as he reached out slowly to push the door closed behind him.

As soon as the latch caught Ben stood, rounding his desk, email be damned. Then he stopped a few paces in front of the other man. What if he was coming on too strong? What if Larry had changed his mind?

The smile Larry gave him as he met his gaze was faintly shy. "... Hey."

Pushing aside doubt, Ben stepped forward to take his face in his hands, bringing his mouth to Larry's in a warm, yearning caress. It seemed to be the right thing to do, and Larry relaxed against him with a soft hum, hands resting on Ben's hips. "Shouldn't be doing this," he murmured, but kissed him again anyway, pressing a little closer. "Dangerous..."

Ben stroked his fingers up into his hair, making a soft hum of disagreement into his mouth and drinking in his kisses. "Just have to be consistent... regular behavior... then no one will question...."

Larry chuckled softly. "I'm talking the kind of danger that has to do with me resisting the urge to beg to be bent over your desk."

The image was suddenly, strikingly sexy, and Ben had to force himself to pull back. He quirked an eyebrow at Larry, still smiling. "So that's what you've been thinking about all weekend."

Larry shrugged. "Or for the past three months," he said, with an unapologetic grin. Then his smile softened. "Ben, I... if I wanted to see you again... outside of work, I mean...."

Ben nodded. "When are you free? Can I take you out somewhere?"

Larry glanced away with a slightly sheepish chuckle. "Kind of rather just stay in. I was wondering if you wanted to catch the game at my place again on Wednesday."

"Only if you'll let me cook for you."

The rebuttal earned Ben a sweet smile. "You don't have to do that...."

"I'd like to." Ben leaned up for another soft kiss. "Have to impress you somehow."

"You mean, other than with your sexual prowess?" Larry's hands slid down from his hips to cup his ass and give an indulgent squeeze, and Ben bit back a moan.

"Now who's being tempting?" he murmured, nipping at his bottom lip before kissing him longer, more yearningly, molding his body to the other man's. Then he forced himself to pull back. "It's a date. Now let's go have that cigarette."

~~~~

 

"Cigarette?" Larry closed Ben's office door behind him out of habit, now, catching his gaze with a warm smile.

Ben was already on his feet, a cigarette tucked behind his ear, and he pulled his lover close for a yearning kiss. "Thought you'd never ask."

"Sorry, got tied up downstairs." Larry nuzzled his jaw, hands stroking over his hips to rest on his ass. "We're slowly getting the warehouse back in order."

The day before had marked the end of the third end of quarter they'd gone through since Larry's hire, and Ben had to admit that both Larry and the crews now ran a tight enough ship that they hardly even needed his help. It also meant that it was coming up on six months since the first time he and Larry had hooked up, something he'd been thinking about a lot but hadn't figured out how to broach with Larry.

It was a strange kind of relationship. He felt even more strongly for Larry now than he had the first time he'd kissed him, and Larry, in all appearances, felt just as strongly for him. But they hadn't talked about any kind of serious commitment, even though he'd met Larry's cousin and Larry had come home with him to meet Daniel and regularly came to jam nights with Ben and the guys. But beyond that it was just spending time at Larry's place, or his.

Hiding the relationship was beginning to make Ben feel restless. He had managed to swing a couple days off for a trip to San Diego for them over the fourth of July long weekend, and being able to take Larry out to actual restaurants, even just to walk down the street hand in hand had been amazing. It was hard to reconcile himself with that never happening here... or at least as long as they continued to work together.

Ben reached up to slide his fingers through Larry's hair. "Let me take you out for dinner tomorrow after the team building."

Larry glanced away uncomfortably. "I want to, Ben. You know I do. It's just too risky... if someone sees us...."

"We can go somewhere obscure. Anyway, can't a couple of guys just go out to eat somewhere together?" He fought to keep from frowning. "You deserve to be wined and dined properly."

Larry's smile was wistful as he leaned in to place a kiss to Ben's forehead. "You're too sweet, you know. Wine and dine me at my place. I'll pick up some taper candles and desert and you can handle the wine and teach me to cook lobster like you've been threatening. Besides, I have a surprise for you. Home will be better."

Home did mean the convenience of being able to whatever they wanted, whenever, without fear of getting arrested.... and the sex had definitely not diminished over time. Ben smiled, nuzzling his jaw then. "All right. We'll have a beer with the staff and then I'll go to the market and meet you at your place. But you have to let me spoil you however I want."

Larry gave a soft, appreciative hum, stroking hands down over his ass before pulling away. "It's a deal, mister."

~~~

Despite being shot down on the restaurant idea, the plans for something a little more special than the ordinary put Ben in a good mood. Larry was right about needing to be cautious, of course. But they could still make the most of things.

Heading into the warehouse mid-afternoon, he caught sight of someone inside Larry's office that made him pause. The dark-haired man was behind Larry's L-shaped desk, perched on the edge facing Larry, familiarly close. Too close for Ben's liking. He knew the man well, and his presence in the office generally meant favors to be asked, which meant trouble. It made Ben pause and change course, stepping into Larry's office. "So they finally let you back from exile, Murdoch?"

John Murdoch was normally the sales manager for the state of California for Gotou, working out of his condo in San Diego and spending a bit of time each month in LA and San Francisco. But someone had convinced him to temporarily take on the Carolinas as well when the sales manager there quit, and "temporarily" had turned into over eight months.

"Hello, darling!" John looked up with a grin. "Yes, thank god. Beautiful states, but if I ever have to visit another titty bar with a client I'm going to shoot myself. I need to bury myself in the California nightlife and reassert my gay. Now, listen, I have this great opportunity coming up...."

"And I won't do anything about it if you're harassing my new manager," Ben replied pointedly, pushing the door closed behind him. With his striking green eyes and impish smile, Ben would have considered John Murdoch beautiful if he hadn't proven himself such a pain in the ass before they'd even met in person. To be fair, John wasn't any more demanding than any of the other sales guys... he was just the only one stationed local, which meant that his requests sometimes came in person with a too-charming smile and a free coffee. "This guy harassing you, Larry?

"It's okay, Ben," Larry said, perhaps a little too quickly. "John and I go way back. He just stopped in to see the new digs. He's the one that got me the job."

You got you the job, Ben wanted to argue, but nodded. "How do you know each other?"

Larry's smile faltered ever so slightly. "We met here in LA. In University."

The smile John gave as he glanced down at Larry was nothing but salacious. "And then again at a bath house."

"Ah." Ben realized with a sudden rush of jealousy that this man had fucked his lover. The intensity of his reaction shocked him, and he fought not to show it. "Just as long as you're not trying to buy into his good books with sexual favors."

John placed one hand over his heart and raised the other. "I solemnly swear that all of my shipping escalations will go through proper channels and have nothing to do with what I do in bed."

"Or what you wish you were doing in bed," Larry interjected, though he seemed strangely flustered by the declaration.

"You have a point." John leaned back a little, not seeming at all phased by the burn. Then suddenly he straightened. "Oh, hey! We're all family, right?"

"You don't have to declare it to the world," Larry said with a frown, giving a light jab with his elbow to John's hip.

"I wasn't being that loud," John shot back, then looked at Ben. "Anyway, I have it on very good authority that you are, and I know _he_ is from experience, and I really, really need to revel in some proper iniquity, so why don't we all go out tonight?"

For a moment Ben couldn't quite comprehend what he was hearing. He reached out to shut the door behind him. "Out?"

"Yeah, you know. _Out_ out. Have a few drinks, pick up some cute boys. Oh! We could go to the Abbey! I used to know some of the bouncers there, and I'm sure we could get in easily. We're all sexy and look like we have enough money. All we'd need is for Ben to take off his shirt."

Ben took a step backwards. "What?"

"Don't play coy, I saw you in the gym downstairs that one time. Larry, don't let the suits fool you, this boy is deliciously ripped. And he's got tattoos. I bet they'd let him dance in in a gogo cage."

Larry's face had turned a particular shade of pink while his lips tried to form words. Finally he managed to gasp out, "John, you're talking about my _boss!_ "

For a split second of terror Ben had almost expected him to say boyfriend, but with the danger gone found strangely that he was just as disappointed as he was relieved. But he could work with this.

He forced a chuckle. "Yeah, I'm not sure that's particularly appropriate. You two go if you want. I have a thing with my brother anyway."

"You have a brother?" John perked, immediately interested. "Is he gay? Nevermind, is he cute?"

"Over my dead body, Murdoch." Ben glanced to Larry. "You still free to meet this later afternoon?"

Larry's smile seemed slightly strained. "Yeah, once I get rid of this hooligan."

John stood and stretched. "I have a meeting with my manager soon, anyway. You still up for going out tonight?"

Larry hesitated, glancing to Ben for a moment before smiling. "Yeah, we should catch up."

"Awesome, I'll come find you here after work." John ran his fingers along the back of Larry's shoulders as he passed, an affectionate, almost possessive gesture that made Ben's stomach tie itself into knots. He had to fight to return the smile John turned to speak to him. "You're still invited if you change your mind, bossman. Bring your hot brother. It'll be fun."

"Not on a Thursday night," Ben replied, forcing down emotion, forcing himself to remain cordial. "Besides, I'm sure you two have a lot of catching up to do."

"Catching up is always a joy," John replied with a little grin and a quirk of his eyebrows that definitely didn't make Ben feel any better about things. He glanced back to Larry and gave him a wink. "Catch you later, handsome."

"See you at four," Ben agreed, finding himself unable to look back at his lover, and left the office as well.

It was difficult not to think about the conversation, and Ben tried to bury himself in work when he returned to his desk, digging into reports and trying to occupy himself. But now that he'd started to think about it, the image of Larry with _John_ kept coming back, leaving him tense with jealousy and uncertainty. And as the clock ticked towards four he couldn't decide if he was looking forward to a chance to talk to Larry again or dreading it.

Larry rapped on his door frame a few minutes before four, giving Ben a worried smile as he met his gaze. "Hey. Am I too early?"

Ben suddenly wondered if he hadn't been the only one agonizing over his thoughts all afternoon. "You're fine," he replied, pushing his chair back from his desk and standing. "Come on in. Close the door." He wet his lips as he watched Larry do as he asked, trying to figure out where to start. "So... you and John have history."

Larry didn't reply for a moment, but his lips pursed slightly as he turned back to face him. "I'm sorry. I thought you knew that he was the one that got me the job."

"He referred you. You got you the job," Ben corrected, trying not to sound as cranky about it as he felt.

"Okay," Larry replied, slowly, as if uncertain of what to say. "Ben, I - I'm sorry about John. Are you sure you won't come out with us tonight?"

Ben couldn't deny that part of him had hoped somehow that Larry would call the whole thing off. But he knew that he had to be good about this. "No, I think I'd be a bit of a third wheel, don't you?"

He watched Larry stiffen. "Ben - "

"It's fine. It's not like I can say anything about who you break fraternization policy with. I don't care what you do with him." Even to his own ears the words sounded harsh.

He'd hoped that Larry would be relieved by the permission, but he just seemed more upset. "You really mean that."

The hurt in his voice wasn't making things any easier. At his side, unseen, Ben clenched my hand into a fist and let the nails bite into his skin, focusing on the lick of pain. "I don't own you, Larry."

Blue eyes narrowed, suddenly cold and hard. "So if I go off and _fraternize_ with John does that mean you can do the same thing?"

Ben realized he hadn't thought that far. He looked away, unable to focus on the mix of emotions in his lover's gaze. "It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does. Because either we're free to see other people or you're telling me to cheat on you."

"It's not like that!" God, this was coming out all wrong. Ben lifted a hand to rub his eyes, suddenly feeling very weary.

"Then what's it like?" Larry's skin was flushed, his lips pressed tightly together, and Ben couldn't tell whether he was upset or furious anymore.

He gathered the courage to lay a hand on Larry's arm gently, his stomach tying itself into another knot at the tension he could feel through the thin cotton of his sleeve. "Lar, I told you. You call the shots. Whatever you want, whatever decision you make I'll respect that."

Larry gave a short, hard laugh. "Jesus. And what if I call this off, what then? You'll _respect_ that?"

Ben jerked back as if stung, hand falling away from his arms at the words.. He'd thought they were closer than this, that he was more important to Larry than this.... "Are you serious?"

"Just answer the question!"

Ben shook his head, incredulous. "What do you want me to do, say I'll fire your ass if you won't sleep with me? Dammit, Larry, I can't do that - "

"Jesus Christ, forget about that! Just pretend that we're not in the office and we don't work together and you're not my fucking boss and tell me what you want to say and how you actually feel instead of what you think is proper!"

Ben let out a long breath and stepped away, running a hand through his hair and putting a few steps between them. He couldn't... but then again, what did it matter if this was going to be over anyway?

He turned back, meeting Larry's gaze, his voice low and hard. "Fine. If I wasn't your boss? I'd tell Murdoch that if he tries anything - if he even _looks_ at you the wrong way - then I'll fucking kill him."

He'd half expected that the possessiveness would make Larry more angry, make him push back against it. But the reaction it wrought in his lover was the complete opposite. Larry's posture changed instantly, all the challenge gone, tension melting away, though his voice shook a little when he spoke. "...yeah?"

"Yeah." Encouraged, Ben stepped back to him, reaching up to cup his face in both hands and feeling his lover shiver under his touch. For a moment all he could do was look at him, smoothing one thumb over his cheekbone, and part of him very much wanted to crush his mouth to Larry's lush lips until he couldn't breathe anymore. "I'd tell him you're mine. Mine alone."

Larry whimpered softly and surged forward, catching Ben off guard as he pressed his lips to his in a trembling, desperate kiss. His fingers caught Ben's hips, clenching in the fabric of his slacks, breath gasped against his mouth as he broke from the kiss. "That's all I wanted, you ass."

Having Larry close sent a surge of relief through him, and Ben returned his kiss with a soft moan, fingers tangling in his hair. "Don't talk about calling this off," he said gasped, indulging in another trembling kiss and drawing him closer. "Please, god, Lar, I can't imagine being without you...."

"Me too," Larry replied, his voice huskier as his hands stroked over Ben's hips. He gave a soft little helpless moan and kissed him again, backing Ben up against the door to his office, kisses quickly growing more heated. There was a kind of unusual desperation to them, and between that and the cumulation of the afternoon's events - finding out about John, feeling so jealous, then arguing with him - it was difficult to think about anything except pulling Larry close and not letting him go until they both felt whole again.

Ben tilted his head back, biting his bottom lip and closing his eyes to concentrate on the sensations of Larry's lips sliding against his jaw. "God, Lar...."

"Want to be with you," Larry breathed, nipping just under his earlobe, breath hot. "Just you. God, Ben...."

"Shhh...." Ben moved to catch his mouth again, trying to be reassuring while at the same time feeling so badly the need to be reassured himself. "Need you too much to ever go away."

Larry's reply was a soundless laugh that could have been a sob, and a harder kiss, sucking at Ben's lips and pressing against him like he couldn't get close enough. It was madly, intensely sexy, and far too easy to indulge in when they definitely shouldn't be doing this at work.

He tried to ignore the fact that he was half hard and pulled from Larry's mouth, one hand cupping his cheek. "Should really stop this...."

The look Larry gave him was filled with so much yearning, his lips parted and kiss bruised. For a brief moment he returned Ben's gaze evenly, then reached over, slowly and deliberately, to flick the lock on the door before leaning in to kiss him again. It was hard to resist his kisses and the warmth of Larry's body pressed against him, hips rocking against him slowly as his hands stroked over his hips and waist, finally pushing between Ben and the door to cup his ass and pull him tightly against him.

Ben choked back a moan, nipping at his bottom lip and letting himself rock up against him, quickly growing very hard indeed. "We should leave," he managed to gasp, hands stroking down Larry's back and over his ass and trying to resist the urge to start undressing him. "Can you leave early? Go to your place?"

"I can't." Larry arched closer, fingers tightening, almost kneading at Ben's ass. "Here. Want you right now."

There was a hundred, million reasons why it was a bad idea, but fuck if Ben could think of any of them. He bit his lip on a groan, rolling his hips up against Larry's a little harder and gasping at the pressure and friction against his constrained erection. "I - we shouldn't...."

"What happened to me calling the shots?" Larry's dark smile was only half teasing, and he swallowed hard before bringing his mouth to ghost against Ben's, breath hitching. "Need you. Please don't stop...."

"Oh god...." It was a bad idea, such a bad idea, but he couldn't stop himself from claiming that mouth again, kissing him more hungrily, arching up against him. In moments he'd pushed Larry across his office and up against the edge of his desk, yanking at his tie and the top buttons of his shirt so he could kiss down his neck, sucking and nipping at his shoulder.

Larry gave a soft, needy whine, half perching on his desk and hooking one thigh over his hip as he arched closer, grinding up against him, fingers almost clawing at his back. "Oh fuck, Ben - !"

"Shhh...." Ben moved up to muffle his moan with a kiss, stroking a hand between them to palm Larry through his slacks, starting to tug at his belt. They'd always been religiously well behaved at work before this, never anything more than a few kisses, and Ben felt at once terrified and exhilarated by the thought of doing more. He slid a hand into Larry's boxers to cup and stroke his cock, feeling his own twitch in arousal at the low moan it pulled from Larry's throat. "Want me to suck you off, handsome?"

Larry arched up against his hand, a little whine deep in his throat, breath ragged. For a moment he didn't reply, closing his eyes as Ben palmed his cock. Then he rolled his hips up into the touch, biting his lip and bringing his gaze to meet Ben's. His voice was husky, almost demanding. "I want you to fuck me over your desk."

Ben drew a sharp breath, rocking slowly against his thigh as he smoothed his thumb over the head of Larry's cock. "I'm not fucking you dry."

Larry paused for a moment, then worked his wallet out of his back pocket and pulled a pair of - thankfully lubricated - condoms out of one of the compartments, wetting his lips as he offered them. "... will you?"

Ben curled a hand around them as he pulled Larry into another kiss. "God.... If you're sure...."

Larry gave a breathless nod, reaching to tug at the buttons of his own shirt. "Please, Ben - I just - I am, really need to feel you like that right now...."

"Shhh...." Ben captured his mouth again, helping him with his shirt, tugging the collar out from under his tie. Ben tossed it back over his chair, then reached for his pants, watching as he eased the band of his boxers down the shaft of his lover's straining erection. "Think you can be quiet for me, handsome?"

Larry gave a wordless nod, letting his slacks fall and stepping out of them and his shoes. Then he held Ben's gaze as he caught one hand in his, raising his hand to his mouth and slowly taking Ben's first two fingers between his lips, sucking and lathing them with his tongue. Ben heard himself groan softly, unable to tear his gaze away from Larry's mouth, from the feel of his tongue against his fingertips, his teeth lightly scraping his skin.

Ben let out a shaky breath, feeling almost unbearably hard he watched Larry's lips slide from his fingers, leaving them wet with saliva. His tongue flicked out against the tips again. "Please, Ben."

Pulling him closer, Ben caught his mouth in a kiss as he reached to carefully work his fingers into him, massaging gently as they slid deeper. It wasn't enough, not nearly enough, but they'd had sex this morning and the night before, and his lover's body adjusted quickly the penetration. Ben crooked his fingers as best he could, reaching to just brush against his sweet spot, and Larry's kisses grew more desperate, almost rough. "Fuck, Ben, please, please - "

"Turn around," Ben replied huskily, grabbing one of the condoms off the desk and stepping back to watch him as he did so. He bit his lip at the sight of it, of Larry, legs spread and nude except for the tie that hung down onto the surface of his desk as he leaned over it. His cock, hard and flushed, just brushed the surface of the polished wood, the head slick with precum. For a moment Ben could only gaze at him, trying to burn the image into his memory. Then, at Larry's pleading look, he stepped forward to press against his side, spitting on his fingers and watching Larry's eyes flutter shut as he worked them into him again.

Ben wrapped his free hand around Larry's erection, stroking slowly as he leaned down to claim his mouth. "You have no idea how gorgeous you look like this," he murmured as he nuzzled his neck, thumb stroking through the precum on his cock, slicking it down his shaft. "Wearing nothing but your tie, legs spread, ass in the air.... tell me if you need to stop."

Larry nodded wordlessly, trying to rock back onto his fingers. "Please, god..." He grabbed the other condom off the desk, tearing it open with his teeth and pushing away Ben's hand to roll it down the length of his cock. "Ben...!"

It only took moments to pull his slacks open and down enough to free himself, carefully rolling on the lubed condom. Then, not able to resist any longer, he grabbed Larry's hips, easing inside in slow thrusts.

Even now, buried in the tight heat of Larry's body, it was hard not to think about the possibility of getting caught, Ben's pulse racing in more than just pleasure. He bit his lip on a groan as he sheathed himself to the hilt, slowly grinding against Larry's ass and feeling his lover's body clench and shudder around him at the intrusion. "You okay?" he managed to gasp, only to have Larry push back against him in response.

"Jesus Christ, Ben." Larry's hands were white knuckled against the desk, and he moved to grab the other side of the desk to brace himself more securely. "Fuck me." His words caught as Ben began to move, fingers digging into his hips as he buried himself again and again, drinking in the sight of his lover's body under him, the sounds of him gasping for breath and choking back the softest moans of pleasure.

"So gorgeous," Ben gasped again, speeding up a little, letting the turmoil of love-desire-jealousy that had been churning inside him take over and drive him, craving this intimacy. "Fuck, Lar, you feel so good...."

Larry's breath grew more ragged, words gasped, whispered as if he was afraid to give them voice. "Oh god, more. Fuck me hard. Jesus, Ben....!"

Ben let go of his hips and leaned over him, bracing himself against the desk as his hips snapped harder into him. He angled to drive a gasp from Larry's lips with each thrust, glad the desk was heavy enough to keep from moving with the force of his thrusts. He let himself mouth at the back of Larry's neck breathlessly, muffling a groan against his shoulder. "You realize.. not gonna be able to sit in this office... without thinking about fucking you...."

Larry laughed breathlessly, rocking back against him and drawing a sharp breath. "Fuck yes. Want you - want you to think of nothing else.... fuck, so good - !"

Ben nipped a little harder at the crook of his neck, moving one hand to curl around Larry's cock, letting the thrust of his hips drive him into his touch. "Wish I could... watch you come all over my desk....!"

"Ben - !" Larry choked back the cry, shuddering under him. "Please - oh jesus - make me come - !"

Ben fought to keep the pace steady, working his cock a little more quickly as he rocked into him, knowing so well how to move, and what would bring his lover pleasure. He pressed his mouth to Larry's shoulder in an attempt to keep quiet, biting down at the muscle and feeling his lover jerk tense underneath him. Larry's body clenched around him as he came with a helpless whine, shuddering with the pleasure of orgasm, and in a few hard thrusts Ben followed, biting back a cry of pleasure at the overwhelming rush of pleasure and fulfilment and love.

They cleaned up wordlessly, and Larry pulled his slacks back on before pushing Ben back down into his desk chair and sinking down onto his lap, finding Ben's lips with his own. Ben gave a soft, appreciative hum against his lips, cuddling him close and stroking his fingers through his hair as he returned the kiss.

"You're amazing," Larry murmured against his mouth, warm and relaxed in his embrace, and Ben smiled.

"You're amazing," he agreed with a smile, tightening his arms around him. "Might have to figure out someplace else to meet in the afternoons now, though."

"Somewhere else?" Larry's finger stroked slow circles on his chest, relaxed and languid.

"So I'm not tempted to do that again," Ben replied with a smirk, pressing a teasing kiss to the tip of his nose.

Larry chuckled, cuddling closer, nuzzling his jaw affectionately. He was silent for a long moment, then pressed a soft kiss under his ear. "Ben... if you want me to not go out with John tonight, I won't."

Ben pressed a kiss to his cheekbone with a soft hum. "No. I want you to go. If you say that there's nothing between the two of you then I believe you. I trust you."

Larry pulled back to give him a soft, trembling smile, voice soft. "There's nothing between John and I now. I promise."

"Then I trust you," Ben repeated, pressing another warm kiss to his mouth.

It was a little strange to go home without Larry when they generally spent more evenings together than not. But it was nice, just to take it easy, to cook dinner and coax Daniel away from studying for his final exams. He felt a little wistful when he thought about Larry being out with John, but only from wanting to be with him. Their argument and subsequent make-up had left him feeling more confident at ease.

He did trust Larry.

He trusted as much as he loved him. Perhaps it wasn't the right time yet to talk about it. But it would be, someday.

Ben didn't think about it again until the next day at work, when he suddenly realized that there was only an hour left before lunch and Larry hadn't stopped by for a cigarette. Frowning, he tucked one behind his ear and headed out to the warehouse, a little worried about what was happening that would keep Larry too busy to see him.

Larry's office was empty, so Ben caught Stuart's attention as he finished slapping a packing slip on a palletized shipment. "Hey, is Larry about?"

Stuart's eyebrows rose. "Boss called in sick this morning. He didn't call you?"

"No," Ben said slowly, feeling a sudden surge of dread. "Did he say anything?"

Stuart shook his head. "Just sent me a text that he was sorry to miss beer o'clock. Hey Ben, we've been talking about it and we don't really want to do it without Larry. Do you think it would be okay to postpone until next week?"

Ben was already checking his phone for missed messages, beer the last thing on his mind, but he pulled his attention back and nodded. "Yeah, I think that's all right. If everything's packed for Monday morning go ahead and still send the guys home early. We'll do beer o'clock next week."

There was nothing from Larry on his phone, which filled Ben with stomach-churning worry. Of course there was nothing wrong with Larry being sick, everyone got sick at some point, but to have not said anything....

Stepping outside, Ben lit his cigarette and sent a text. _'Hey Handsome. The guys say you're not feeling very well. Can I bring you anything?'_

When the work day ended, however, he still hadn't received a response.

~~~~


	3. Chapter 3

It was hard for Ben not to worry about Larry for the rest of the work day. He'd finally recieved a simple "No, thank you" in reply to his text, but it didn't do anything to appease his concern.

He had to give Larry the benefit of the doubt, he told himself firmly. After all some people simply shut down when they were sick. He'd check up on Larry, and if he wanted to be left alone that was fine. He drove to a local cafe and grocers after work, picking up a four liter jug of orange juice and a large tub of their homemade chicken soup and heading over to Larry's condo.

Ben had the code for the front door memorized, and he headed inside, trying not to think about the possibility of Larry not wanting him here. But as he stood on Larry's doorstep, the bell rung, waiting for him to answer, it was harder to fight the sense of dread, which grew as the minutes ticked by. Should he leave the food and go? Could he leave without even seeing him?

Finally, after warring with himself for what seemed like an eternity, he pressed the doorbell a second time. He heard the bolt slide back almost immediately, and Larry opened the door, looking tired, dressed in sweatpants and a robe. The smile he gave was tiny and seemed strained. "Hey."

"Hey...." It threw Ben off guard, and for a moment, he couldn't quite think of what to say. He held up the grocery bags. "I know you said you were good for stuff but I thought a little extra comfort food couldn't hurt...."

Larry gave a little nod, stepping into the apartment and pulling the door open for him. The apartment was dim, the blinds still closed, and from the looks of it Larry had spent the day curled up in front of the TV. Ben followed him into the kitchen, feeling strangely awkward as Larry took the bags from him and put both in the fridge. "I'm sorry," he said finally, voice a little strained, and Ben couldn't tell if his eyes were red from fatigue or something else. "I'm not very good company when I'm sick, I just... need to be alone. I appreciate this. Thank you."

"Sure," Ben found himself replying, forcing down the urge to draw his lover close. "Will you call me if you need anything?"

Larry nodded, bringing a hand up to rub at one eye with his fist. "Yeah. Thanks."

Ben glanced towards the door, torn between respecting Larry's obvious desire to be alone and wanting to find out exactly what was going on. He hesitated. "Look, Lar... as far as work goes.... I just - I need you to let me know if you're going to be out of the office. I won't ask questions. Just please don't put me in a position where I have to give preferential treatment... okay?"

Larry nodded, lips pressed tightly together. Then he stepped forward without warning, pulling Ben close and burying his face in his shoulder. Ben could feel him trembling under his touch as he returned the embrace, stroking his back and pressing a kiss to his hair with a soft, soothing hum. "What's wrong?"

Larry drew a shuddering breath against his neck. "I can't," he muttered, pressing closer. "I'm sorry. I just - I need some alone time. Don't let go."

Ben felt his stomach tie itself in another knot, and he tightened his arms around him despite the conflicting instructions, pressing a kiss to his hair. "Whatever you need," he murmured in return, closing his eyes and wishing he knew what to do to make whatever-this-was better.

Larry pulled away after a long moment, blinking eyes that were more red than they had been before. He swallowed hard. "I'm sorry. I - I'll call you sometime before Monday, okay?"

Ben nodded, reaching up to cup the side of his face gently, wanting badly to be reassuring despite his own feeling of uncertainty. "Whatever you need."

He followed Larry to the door, reaching for the knob only to find Larry's hand over his, stopping him. "Ben...."

He turned to look up at him, and Larry caught his face in his hands, bringing his lips to Ben's for a kiss, hard and trembling and tinged with desperation. "I'll talk to you soon," Larry said, sniffing a little as he pulled back, and Ben nodded.

"Soon," he replied, stepping out of Larry's apartment trying very hard to ignore the fact that it felt like goodbye.

~~~

 

The weekend was a complete write-off. He'd been supposed to jam Saturday night, but the thought of having to be around people and be social and pretend nothing was wrong seemed like the worst fate in the world, so he called it off. Even Daniel made himself scarce over the weekend, as if sensing Ben's unhappiness.

By Sunday afternoon he still hadn't heard from Larry. His mind full of questions and horrible 'what if's", Ben finally logged into his work account through webmail, opening the company directory and finding John's cell phone number.

John picked up on the second ring. "John Murdoch."

"Did you sleep with him?" The words tumbled from his mouth before he could stop himself, angrier than intended.

On the other end of the line, John sighed. "Hello, Ben."

"Did you?"

He could hear a hint of irritation creep into John's voice. "Considering you've been banging him for months, I really don't think you're in any place to accuse me of anything, mister Director."

The fact that Larry had told him made Ben feel even more unsettled. "Answer the question, Murdoch."

John sighed again. "Fine. And for the record, I'm only answering you because I genuinely care for Larry, not because I'm giving in to your bullying. No, I didn't sleep with Larry. I haven't slept with Larry for over a year."

The surge of relief Ben felt at his words was a little surprising, and he took a step backwards, sinking down into one of the kitchen chairs. "Thank you." He suddenly felt ridiculous that he'd even asked. But it had been the most logical and horrible explanation for how Larry was acting.

Then, curiosity got the better of him. "Why'd you stop?"

On the other end of the phone, John gave a soft hum. "Ben, listen to me, and please try not to get angry, all right? I need you to try and understand something. Larry is a very, very good friend of mine and I love him dearly. Whenever we've had sex it's been because it was friendly and convenient, not because we've ever been _in love_. I don't have or want any claim on his body or his heart, especially when it belongs to someone else. Do you understand me?"

Ben let out a long breath. "You're telling the truth, aren't you."

"Of course I am. He's a good man, Ben. And he doesn't cheat. Is that really what you're worried about?"

Ben swallowed, leaning back in his chair and staring up at the ceiling, trying to gather his thoughts. "...no, I guess not. I just have no fucking clue what's going on. He called in sick on Friday but I'm pretty sure he's just upset about something but I haven't talked to him since I brought him soup after work."

John made a soft, understanding noise. "I appreciate that you care for him. Just let him do his thing. He'll come talk to you when he's worked through whatever it is that's bothering him."

"Did he say anything to you about me?"

"Just let him come talk to you," John replied, ignoring the question completely. "Oh, and in case you were wondering, Larry didn't actually tell me about you two. I worked it out on my own. It's not obvious or anything, I just know him too well. It's not his fault."

"I know," Ben replied, strangely not angry. "Thanks. I... I'm sorry if I've been rude to you. He... means a lot to me."

"Good," John replied softly. "Good luck."

It was late in the evening when Ben's phone finally rang. Trying to steel his nerves, he picked up. "Hey."

For a moment, there was silence, then Larry's voice in a rush. "I'm downstairs in my car. Can you come see me?"

Even the idea of it sounded ominous. Ben swallowed hard. "Yeah. Yeah, sure. You don't want to come up?"

"No," came the reply, almost mournful. "No, I'm sorry, I just - please come down."

Ben was already on his way to the front door. "All right. I'll see you in a moment."

Larry was parked in visitor, a cigarette in one hand, and he looked anything but calm as Ben slid into the passenger side. "Hey. Thanks."

Ben nodded, wishing he'd brought his pack of smokes down with him. "What's going on?"

Larry took a drag of his cigarette, ashing it out the window and staring at his steering wheel as he exhaled slowly. Then everything came out in a rush. "I need to call this off for a while. It's nothing you've done or haven't done and there isn't anyone else or anything like that and I need you to know that I really, really care about you, Ben. But I need some time alone and I need you not to question me about it. Please."

Ben let out a long breath, running over the words again in his mind and clamping down hard on the urge to question, to argue. He swallowed hard, bringing his gaze up to meet Larry's worried one. "You sure?"

Larry's mouth twisted, though he visibly tried to keep it still. "Yeah. Yeah, I - I'm so sorry."

Ben nodded slowly, not replying. Was there really anything else he could say? "... okay."

"Okay?"

Ben tried to force a smile. "Yeah. I told you that you'd be the one calling the shots, didn't I? If that's what you need then that's what you need. Can I please have a drag of your cigarette?"

Larry handed it over wordlessly, and Ben took a long drag, letting the smoke fill his lungs and focusing on the exhale. He did it again, then handed it back. "Guess I should go, then."

"Ben..." Larry took another drag, visibly conflicted as he exhaled, then tossed the remains of the cigarette out the window before pulling him close and catching his mouth in a hard, trembling kiss. "I'm so sorry. You've been so good to me...."

Then don't do this, Ben wanted to say. I don't want you to do this. Instead he leaned in to kiss him again, sliding one hand up into his hair and trying to memorize the way it felt and wishing he didn't feel so helpless. "I'll miss you," he murmured, and Larry drew a choked breath against his mouth that was almost a sob.

"Me too," he replied, voice tight. "I just need some time."

Ben nodded, not quite trusting his voice, and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth before pulling back.

"I'll see you at work?" Larry asked almost anxiously, and Ben forced another smile.

"Yeah," he managed, and got out of the car.  
~~~~

 

He didn't see Larry at work the next day. There wasn't really any reason to. Larry had the warehouse well in hand and things were always quiet at the beginning of the quarter, there was no reason to be hanging around. He cancelled their afternoon meetings as well, which had only been a selfish and indulgent excuse to just spend time with him. Larry didn't need him, and he didn't want to make any unnecessary demands.

When he'd promised Larry that their being together wouldn't affect anything at work he hadn't envisioned this. It was a hundred, thousand times more difficult to see him now and pretend there was nothing - hadn't been anything - between them. And from all appearances Larry's work didn't change, so there wasn't really any need to see him at all.

It didn't make things any easier.

After two weeks of getting no answers to his careful questions, Ben's brother Daniel came home from school on Friday night accompanied by a large bottle of a surprisingly palatable whiskey and proceeded to pour most of it down Ben's throat. Ben didn't remember much of the night beyond somehow being talked into watching Rent and later sobbing brokenly on Daniel's shoulder as everything that had happened came spilling out, perhaps only half coherently.

He woke up the next morning to discover he'd somehow managed to commit to playing an open mic night that evening with the guys he normally jammed with, which Daniel vehemently refused to let him out of. In the end he was glad he'd gone through with it... it didn't make it hurt any less to think about Larry, but it was a flicker of the familiar, of the hope that perhaps he could put his life back together again after all.

The last thing he expected was to for John Murdoch to breeze into his office on a Wednesday afternoon, a shade over a month since he'd unwittingly seen Ben's relationship fall apart. He shut the door behind him and perched presumptuously on the edge of Ben's desk. "Hello darling. You have any late meetings this afternoon?"

Ben stared at his expectant smile for a long moment while his brain tried to process the question. "First of all, I'm _still_ not your darling. Secondly...." he stopped, trying and ultimately failing to come up with a reason to lie. "... no?"

"Excellent! We're going to the Kings game."

"We're _what?_ "

"The Kings game. Home game. They're playing the Phoenix Rangers or something, I don't exactly know much about hockey. But Sunshine Technologies has season tickets and none of the staff wanted the ones for this afternoon so they gave them to me and now you're going to come with me to the game and give me an education." John pulled a pair of tickets from the inside of his suit jacket with a flourish, setting one down on Ben's desk. "I have to go meet a client right now but I'll meet you there. Game starts at six."

By the time Ben realized he was actually serious, John was halfway to his office door. "John!"

John turned and smiled. "Yes dear?"

Ben opened his mouth, but it still took a moment to gather his thoughts. "You want me... to go to a hockey game. With you."

"Yup. Figured I should do it at least once in my life, and if I hate it at least I didn't waste any money on it. Larry's cousin's in town, so he's busy, and you're next on my list. Plus I still owe you one for accommodating that last minute truck of stuff to North Carolina last quarter." He stopped, then grinned and gave a suggestive waggle of his eyebrows. "Unless, of course, you want to give me the phone number for that hot brother of yours."

"Dammit, John, you haven't even _met_ my brother!"

"Which is why you're going to introduce us."

"No!"

John's shoulders shook from silent laughter. "Does that mean you're on for the game?"

Ben let out a long sigh. "Will you even accept no for an answer?"

"Only if that 'no' includes your brother's phone number."

"Fuck no. Fine." Ben sighed. "Thank you?"

John chuckled softly, leaning against the door. "Hey, I'm just happy to have a date. Thanks." He was quiet for a moment, and his smile turned a little sad. "For what it's worth... I'm sorry things didn't quite work out with you guys."

Ben glanced away, swallowing down the sudden lump in his throat. "Thanks," he muttered, and cleared his throat. "And just so you know, I'm not looking for a rebound right now."

John stepped forward with a little smirk. "Why Ben, I had no idea you felt that way. I wasn't looking for anything like that either, but if you're offering...."

"Oh god no."

"Why not? Can't get fired twice for the same offense, you know."

"Because if ever tried to date you I'd end up wringing your pretty little neck, that's why not." Ben replied, sincerely hoping that John's toothy grin meant he was only joking. "So no. Absolutely not. One hockey game. That's it. Now get out of my office and let me finish my work."

"I suppose a steamy affair it would be a rather awkward way to meet your hot brother," John agreed, turning back for the door.

"OUT!"

"Going!" John snickered as he opened the door. "Six o'clock. Don't be late." Then, thankfully, he disappeared down the hall.

It felt strange to be heading to the game with the intention of meeting John. Home was on the way, so Ben swung by to change into jeans and grab his jersey, taking the train to the arena. Arriving a few minutes after six, he lined up for beer as the national anthem played inside. Then, carefully balancing two lidded beer cups, he started for his seat.

Sunshine's season tickets were pretty good, he found himself thinking as he made his way down the stands. And they were aisle seats, so it would be easier to slip out for more beer. Maybe it would be an enjoyable game after all.

Then he realized that the person sitting next to the empty seat in front of him was definitely not John Murdoch.

Ben's brief anger at being lied to was quickly replaced by grim acceptance. He shouldn't have expected anything else from John, really. It should have been obvious. But the realization didn't make the prospect of spending the game with Larry any easier. His stomach tying itself in knots, Ben contemplated the very appealing option of turning round and leaving before Larry could even see him... but the thought of standing him up, even considering John's trickery, seemed too hurtful.

Taking a deep breath, he took the last few steps to his row and slid into the empty seat. "Why John, you look an awful lot like Larry."

The surprise on Larry's face faded to a knowing, if sad, smile. "Of course. That asshole."

Ben gave a soundless laugh, shoving one beer in the drink holder and pulling the lid off the other, taking a long drink. "I'm sorry, I probably should have expected this. I'll head out after I finish the beer. Want one?"

Larry shook his head, lifting his own beer from where it was perched on top of a second in his cup holder. He looked out onto the ice, silent for a moment. "You don't have to leave if you don't want to, you know."

Ben shook his head. "It's okay. I don't want you to feel...." he stopped, not really sure what to say, and took another drink instead, focusing his attention on the ice.

He felt Larry's hand settle on his forearm, squeezing gently. Ben turned back to find the man watching him with a slightly wistful smile. "I'd like you to stay. I mean, it's okay. I'm okay. Please?"

Ben managed a small smile, and it almost felt real. "Okay."

It was easy enough to get drunk and focus on the game, and by the time the second period started, Ben was actually somewhat enjoying himself, comforted by the familiarity of just watching a game with Larry. He'd snuck in a hip flask, which Larry accepted with a soft chuckle, and between the vodka and the beer Ben could almost forget that anything was wrong at all.

Larry gave him a soft smile as they made their way out of the area after the game. "Thanks for staying. I had a really good time."

Ben looked up at him for a moment, returning the smile with a sense of melancholy. It had been nice... but it wasn't going to happen again. He nodded. "Yeah. It was nice to spend some time together."

Larry's smile faded as he glanced away, stopping on the sidewalk outside the arena and glancing towards the queue for taxi's. "Don't suppose you want to split a cab home?"

Ben wet his lips, watching him carefully and trying to read his meaning. "I... don't think that's a good idea. Anyway, Daniel's expecting to pick me up from the train."

"Oh. Okay." Ben watched Larry swallow, adam's apple bobbing almost nervously as he turned back towards him. "Do you want to do this again sometime, then? Just spend some time together as friends?" His brows knit together, voice growing softer. "I miss you, Ben."

Part of Ben wanted so badly to say yes, to accept that any part of Larry was better than nothing at all. But was it really? He closed his eyes for a moment, then shook his head. "I can't, Lar. I'm sorry"

Larry's face fell as he glanced away. "Oh. Okay. I'm sorry I asked, then. Just forget that I - "

"I'm in love with you." The words spilled out before Ben could stop himself. But it was true. It was all he'd been able to think about since Larry had broken things off.

Larry's head jerked up, and for a moment he just stared at him, looking almost stricken. "...oh. Ben, I...."

Ben stepped closer and lifted a hand to press his fingertips to his mouth, shaking his head. "Please don't say anything, I know it's not what you want. But I wanted you to know why I can't do this. I'm sorry."

Larry drew a shivering breath against his fingers, looking more miserable than Ben had ever seen him, and for a moment he regretted what he'd said. Then he stepped back, pulling away from Ben's touch and giving a sharp, wordless nod.

"Don't be too hard on John, either," Ben found himself saying. "I don't think he knew. He just wants you to be happy, anyway."

"Okay," Larry managed to reply, words barely a whisper, and the shards of Ben's self restraint weren't enough to keep him from stepping in and pulling Larry into his arms, holding him tightly.

For a moment he just let himself feel, focusing on the warmth of Larry's body against his and how good, how familiar it was to have him in his arms again. He let himself feel all the love and longing and sadness he'd been trying to hard to deny over the past month. He could feel Larry shudder against him, fingers digging into the back of his jacket, and Ben let himself believe, if only for that moment, that everything was okay again and that he'd never have to let go.

Then, pressing a kiss to Larry's hair, he forced himself to pull away. "Get home safe, okay? I'll see you at work."

Larry nodded, and before he could say anything else Ben forced himself to turn, starting out towards the train station without looking back.  
~~~


	4. Chapter 4

_'Ben. If I take the day off work will it cause trouble? I released the orders for today before I left last night. Please let me know. I'll come later in if you need me to.'_

The text message he awoke to wasn't completely surprising. Ben didn't bother getting out of bed for a moment, closing his eyes and going over the day. His own work was fairly stable; their supply chain was healthy and all their inbound shipments were on schedule. If Larry's prep work was done it wouldn't be too difficult to keep things running for a day without him.

 _'Take the full day if you need,'_ he typed back as he got out of bed and headed for the shower. _'We'll get by. Let me know if you need anything.'_

It wasn't really the most professional of decisions for an employee to make, but he'd never actually seen Larry sick otherwise. There were far worse practices he'd excused in his staff. And it was kind of nice, coming into the warehouse to check up on things. Familiar.

Working alone gave him time to think, and he started to wonder if perhaps he'd been too passive about this whole thing from the beginning. He'd just kind of let things happen, both the relationship and whatever this break was, thinking that if he was nice and understanding that perhaps everything would just work out in return. He'd never really taken responsibility for choosing to let this relationship happen....

And really, what other option did he have? Just to sit here and hope that somehow Larry would decide to come back to him?

The thoughts haunted him throughout most of the afternoon, teasing at the edges of his mind when he was in meetings, and when he was alone threatening to eclipse every other thought.

Finally, forcing himself not to doubt his decision, he picked up the phone.

A familiar voice picked up on the second ring. "John Murdoch."

"Hey. It's Ben." Ben paused for a moment. Was he actually doing this?

"Hello, darling. I didn't expect to hear your sexy voice again so soon. What can I do to you?"

Ben ignored what he hoped was a slip of John's tongue. "Are you still in LA?"

"Until tomorrow night, yeah. Why, do you miss me already?"

Ben took a deep breath. "I was wondering if you'd like to grab a drink or a bite to eat. I... would really like to talk to you. I'll treat."

John, to his credit, at least had the good grace to sound surprised. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

"You owe me for lying about the hockey game."

John's chortle was almost evil. "I was particularly proud you both fell for that. Admit it, you had a good time."

"You still owe me," Ben replied, smiling a little despite himself. He named off a restaurant that wasn't too difficult to find, even for out-of-towners. "I'll see you at six?"

"I suppose I can swing by for a bit. See you then."

The restaurant was a casual place that Ben had been to a few times, the front for a micro-brewery, and it was still fairly busy from the after-work crowd. As he walked through the doors he spotted John perched at one end of the bar with a beer, and he nodded as the man raised a hand to attract his attention.

"I started you a tab," John said, smirking as he reached him and lifting the beer. "This is very good, by the way."

"I have good taste sometimes." Ben settled onto the stool next to him. "Did you want to get a table? I'll buy dinner if you haven't eaten yet."

John waved the offer away. "As much as I'd like to take advantage of your sudden goodwill towards me, I'm fine, thanks. I promised a particularly fine little blond booty call of mine that I'd do a late dinner with him. And _do_ dinner, if you catch my drift."

"You're about as subtle as a freight train, you know," Ben said, chuckling and shaking his head. He caught the eye of one of the bartenders and ordered a beer as well, taking a sip before looking back to John. "Thank you for coming, John."

The other smiled and shrugged. "You had me at 'it's on me'. Plus, you sounded kind of desperate." His voice softened. "What did you want to talk to me about?"

Ben stared at his beer for a long moment, trying to gather his thoughts. "Thank you," he said simply. "For last night. I don't know if it was really the best thing but it did get me thinking about everything that's been going on. I still don't even know why he called things off, and I realized that's not okay. I want to fix things."

John watched him with a soft smile, sipping his beer. "Good. I think you should."

The vote of confidence made Ben feel more confident than he'd anticipated. "Thanks, John. Listen - I can't believe I'm actually saying this - but... I need some advice."

"Advice from me?" John's smile widened, green eyes sparkling, delighted. "Wow. You must be more desperate than I thought. Are you feeling alright?"

Ben ignored the jibe, closing his eyes for a moment before looking back to John. "I want to win him back. How do I do it?"

"Hmmm." John took another drink of his beer, then turned on the bar stool to face Ben more, leaning on the bar. "How to win back Larry. There's a lot of things going on when it comes to him, Ben. Are you sure you're really in this for the long haul?"

"I want to be," Ben told him, feeling a little anxious. "Have I come off otherwise?"

"I don't think so. But, Ben... on top of Larry's issues you also have the whole work thing to take care of. Do you have any intention to do something about that?"

Ben glanced away. He'd thought on their work situation for much of the day as well, and as much as he tried to convince himself that things would just fall into place if he could win Larry back, he couldn't deny that he needed to do something. He should have done something a long time ago. "Yeah. I don't know what's going to happen, but I'll take responsibility for this." His lips pursed grimly. "Guess I should probably update my resume."

"It's hard to imagine you not at Gotou," John agreed, watching him. "People seem to like you, though. Maybe they can come up with some solution for you. There's people at work who are married to each other, for god sakes."

Ben gave a little dismissive shrug. "So, I man up and fix the work situation, however that works out. What next?"

"What next." John glanced away, thinking. "Well, you're going to have to talk to him."

"Obviously."

John snorted. "I didn't mean it like that. I mean... there's a lot going on with Larry, Ben, and it's not my story to tell. But let me tell you what I think. I think you're a great guy, I think you've been really good to him, very nice and respectful. Maybe because of the situation or maybe because that's how you are, I don't know. But you obviously care about him a lot and he knows it. I think...." he stopped, letting out a breath, eyebrows knitting together. "How do I say this... nice and respectful aren't always good enough. Nice isn't _enough_."

Ben shook his head. "I don't understand."

John's mouth twisted, and he made an idle motion in the air with one hand as if it would spurn on his words. "You just need to be... insistent. Without being an asshole. Steadfast." He snapped his fingers, suddenly getting it. "You need to fight."

"Fight."

"Yeah! Fight for the relationship, I mean. Not fight with him, obviously. Sometimes people just need to be chased, you know? The whole knight in shining armor thing is kind of underrated. Sometimes it actually works. He needs to feel like this means more to you than anything in the world and that you're not going to give up on him no matter what."

Ben found himself smiling. "And I just have to just trust I'm not going to end up with a sexual harassment charge."

"I should hope you trust him enough for that by now. He won't, Ben. He cares about you, trust me. He just needs a bit of help working things out."

Ben nodded slowly, draining his beer. "I don't suppose you can tell me what these things are?"

"I'd be doing you both a disservice if I did." John regarded him for a moment, frowning as he thought. "Okay, this is what I suggest. Tell him I told you to ask him about his vitamins."

Ben quirked an eyebrow. "Vitamins."

"He'll know what I'm talking about. He won't want to talk about it, and I'll probably end up the dog house for a while, but I'm already there for last night so a while longer won't hurt. But that's what you need to talk about and if you can get it out of him I think you guys can get things worked out."

"Okay." Ben let out a long breath. "Thank you. I do really appreciate it. Anything else I need to know?"

"If he starts getting really upset, just be reassuring. Don't dismiss it or try and tell him to calm down. Just stay with him and be your calm supportive self."

Ben shook his head. "Of course, but I don't understand why you're telling me this."

"Just trust me. You'll be fine." John finished his beer, setting the empty glass down on the bar with a little wistful smile. "Take care of him, Ben. You're good for him. He's been happier working at Gotou than I've seen in a long time, and I know it's because of you."

"I hope so."

"I know so." Suddenly John leaned closer, his grin rather alarming. "You know, I would be completely up for a threesome if you're ever interested."

The declaration was so out of the blue that all Ben could do was laugh. "What? With me and Larry?"

"Yeah. Or, you know... with you and your hot brother."

Ben groaned, bringing a hand up to cover his eyes. "I hate you."

"You adore me," John corrected, voice warm with laughter.

Ben looked back up at him over his fingers. "You realize that for all you know my brother could be an absolute troll."

"Bullshit. He's related to you, of course he's hot." John patted his shoulder, then hopped down off the stool. "Think about what I said. About Larry, I mean, the threesome was just a joke. I'm going to go get laid."

All Ben could do was shake his head. "Thanks. Have fun."

John winked, grinning, and left.

~~~

 

Ben hadn't expected that talking to John would be as reassuring as it had been. When he woke up on Friday morning he felt like he'd gotten a solid night's sleep for the first time in weeks. He made coffee, ordered what he hoped would be a very nice bouquet of flowers to be delivered anonymously to the office, and went to work. Now that his mind was made up, he felt a strange kind of nervous excitement. Something was going to happen, he was going to make things change. And whether the change was for good or ill, it would still be better than remaining stuck in this purgatory of heartsick longing.

He was disappointed to find his boss out of office for the day. He'd really wanted to talk to Mike, to come clean about the whole thing and find out if his job was still salvageable. More than that, he wanted to be able to go to Larry and tell him everything was taken care of, that everything would be okay.

Undeterred, he booked a meeting with him for Monday afternoon. Even just making the decision to do this made him feel like a bit of the weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Fridays didn't tend to be the busiest day, but the work felt easier, and as he attended his afternoon supply chain meetings he felt calm and confident in a way he hadn't in ages.

He knew he should have done this in the beginning. Larry deserved better than the months they'd had to hide their relationship. But maybe he could make it right now. Maybe things would be better.

Ben had barely been in his office for ten minutes after returning from his meeting when the door flew open to Larry, flushed and flustered. "Ben, what the hell are you doing?"

Ben tried to push away the sudden rush of nervousness. "I'm verifying the forecast for the next – "

"That's not what I meant!" Larry glanced behind him, drawing short, sharp breaths as if he'd run up from the warehouse. Then he stepped into his office, pushing the door closed behind him. "Flowers. Flowers? You fucking sent _flowers_ to the _office?!_ Jesus Christ, Ben, how much more obvious can you be? If someone finds out, we're completely fucked, we – "

"Larry, it's okay." Ben rolled away from his desk and stood, taking a cautious step towards him. "I booked a meeting with Mike on Monday, I'm going to come clean about all of this and request a transfer. I'm going to fix this."

"You _what?_ "

Ben stepped closer, worried he'd made the wrong decision. "I won't let it affect you, I promise. It'll be okay."

Larry gave a sharp, incredulous laugh, pushing one trembling hand through his hair. "It'll be okay? You just decided to come clean to management and didn't even think to ask me how I felt about it?"

Ben swallowed hard, holding his hands up in front of him, wanting badly to reach out and touch him, to reassure him. "I'm sorry. I should have taken responsibility for this a long time ago, but I'm going to do my best to make it right."

"Oh god, I can't do this." Larry half staggered back against the door, bringing both hands to cover his face, breath ragged and shallow. He gave a sharp, almost hysterical sounding laugh, his form trembling. "Oh fuck, oh fuck, fuck..."

This was more than just anger, Ben realized in shock. He stepped closer, keeping his voice low. Be reassuring, John had said. Don't give up on him. "You're right to be upset with me. Let me make it right. You mean the world to me, Lar. I want to make it right."

"Jesus Christ...." Larry sunk down, crumpling to a crouch against the door. He moved to cup his hands over his mouth and nose, closing his eyes and gasping for breath, shaking visibly as he did. Ben knelt carefully in front of him, reaching out finally to place a hand on his shoulder, trying to be comforting, or at least non threatening.

"I know something's wrong," he said softly, watching his lover helplessly. "I want to help you. Tell me what you need. Do you want me to go get you some water?"

One hand moved to grab Ben's elbow none-too-gently, yanking him close with surprising strength, and Larry buried his face in his neck, hands clenching at his shirt. "Don't go."

Ben wrapped his arms around his shuddering form, stroking his back in the hopes it would help. "I'm not going anywhere. Not going to leave you." As helpless as he felt, it reassured him that Larry hadn't pushed him away. He pressed his face to Larry's hair, forcing himself to take a slow breath. "It'll be okay. We'll be okay."

"How can you say that?" Larry's choked gasp was almost a sob, his breath hard and fast against Ben's neck. "I can't handle this!"

Ben closed his eyes, not moving, his mind racing as he desperately tried to figure out how to respond. This was about more than just being mad at him, more than just the relationship, and he realized he should have understood that the first time Larry had asked him for time apart. It frightened him, a little, not knowing how to fix this. But he needed to do something... his inaction was what had driven them apart in the first place.

Be reassuring, John had said. Be supportive. He pressed a kiss to thick strands of Larry's auburn hair, keeping his voice soft and low. "Yes you can. I'll be here with you, I'm not going anywhere."

"But you will, you will." Larry's words were a helpless moan, and hands moved to his back, digging into his skin with a trembling desperation. "God, Ben, I'm such a mess - how can you want to be with me? Jesus Christ..."

"I do." Ben fought to keep his own voice from shaking, swallowing hard and forcing himself to breathe. "But we can talk about that later, okay? Just tell me how to help you right now. Tell me what you need me to do."

Larry drew a few shuddering breaths, trying obviously to calm. "Count," he said finally. "Count to six for me. Slowly."

"Okay." Ben wet his lips. "One-one thousand, two-one thousand...."

He felt Larry draw a shuddering breath and exhale slowly, trying to match his rhythm, and slowly the trembling began to lessen. Still, Ben kept counting, stroking a hand up and down his spine over and over.

Finally Larry gave a very soft, tired sounding moan against his skin. "You shouldn't want to be with me."

Ben pressed another kiss to his hair. "Why?"

"This." He gave a soft, helpless little sob. "I didn't want you to know."

Ben tried to bite back the multitude of questions and arguments on the tip of his tongue. "Do you want to tell me about it? If you don't, it's okay. I'm still going to be here."

Larry's breath hitched, and he forced out a long sigh. "Well. Obviously, I have panic attacks. Specifically, when I start feeling out of control. More lately than in a long time."

"I didn't know." Ben pressed a soft kiss to his hair, mind racing. "I'm sorry."

"I didn't want you to." Larry swallowed hard, shifting a little against him, muffling his words into Ben's shoulder. "It's something that doesn't tend to make people attractive to employers. But I've been dealing with it since I was a teenager, I know how to manage myself. I mean, I thought I did."

"And this is why John told me to ask you about your vitamins?"

Larry was quiet for a moment, shifting to move out of the crouch and sit back against the door. He looked up at Ben curiously as he did. "You... talked to John about me?"

Ben glanced away as he shifted to kneel in front of him, staying close. "I'm sorry. I didn't really know what else to do. I didn't realize you two were so... close?" He looked back to Larry quickly. "I don't mean that in a jealous way."

"It's okay." Larry reached out to rest a hand on Ben's bicep, running it slowly down his arm to cover his hand where it rested on his knee. He focused on it as he began to speak slowly, softly. "When I first moved out here and started university it took me a bit longer than I expected to adjust to the lifestyle change. John was new to the city too, and when we got to be friends he became my... they call them 'support people'."

Ben couldn't help but chuckle. "Of all people."

He watched Larry smile - brief and fleeting, but real. "He's good at it, surprisingly. But I think... I think what was important to me was that he was the first person who didn't just start walking on eggshells around me as soon as he found out." His mouth twisted a little bitterly. "Jesus, I'm so sorry, Ben. I can't believe I lost it at work, I swear I usually have my shit together, I - "

"Hey. It's okay." Ben moved his hand to twine his fingers with his, squeezing gently. "I know you have your shit together. I've known you for almost a year, remember? You run my warehouse. You wouldn't have been able to do that if you didn't have your shit together."

He watched Larry swallow, then raise his eyes to meet Ben's. "I hear what you're saying, Ben. It's just a bit hard to believe things sometimes. These things... it's pretty exhausting. They take a lot out of me. It's why I called in yesterday."

"Okay." Ben gave his hand another light squeeze. "Can I take you home? I can put something together for dinner and then we can just relax and watch a movie or something. Don't worry about work, I'm bringing my laptop home. We can take care of Monday's order queue from home tomorrow. All right?"

Larry glanced away. "I'm not sure I'll be very good company...."

"It's fine... I just want to spend time with you." Ben reached out to stroke a strand of hair back from Larry's forehead, feeling him shiver under his touch. "Please? Unless... you really don't want to see me...."

For a moment Larry just looked back at him, conflicted, and Ben started to worry he was going to decline. Then he reached up to cup the side of Ben's face, leaning in to press a soft, trembling kiss to his mouth. "Please stay with me," he said, and while his voice was soft and small, the words sent such an intense rush of relief through Ben that he couldn't help but kiss him again, feeling his lover relax against him a little more.

Larry didn't complain when Ben suggested they take his car and come back for Larry's over the weekend, quiet and subdued as he let Ben bundle him into the passenger's seat. He didn't speak again until Ben had parked the car and cut the engine. "My apartment's kind of a mess...."

"It's fine." Ben reached out to cover his hand and squeeze it gently. "The state of your apartment isn't what I care about." Ben didn't think the apartment was anything more than a little cluttered once they were inside, and he was far more encouraged that Larry still seemed to be eating properly, or at least buying decent food. He forced himself to talk as he went to work, filling the silence with idle chatter as he went through the cupboards and refrigerator. "How do you feel about a chicken salad with avocado and chick peas? Maybe a balsamic vinaigrette dressing on top?"

Larry had parked himself on one of the stools at his breakfast bar, and he gave Ben a soft smile in reply. "Sounds delicious. But everything you make is."

It was encouraging, and Ben set to work, chopping ingredients and putting the chicken into a frying pan in a little garlic and olive oil to fry. As he stood at the stove he felt a light touch at his back, and he glanced up to find Larry behind him. Ben gave him a warm smile, relaxing into him as the other man pressed up against his back, sliding his arms around his waist. Larry's breath was warm against his hair, and for a time he seemed content just to stand there against him while Ben stirred the chicken.

"I really missed you," Larry murmured finally, arms tightening a little around his waist. "I'm sorry about everything that's happened, Ben. I should have told you a long time ago. I'm just... I'm really bad at this."

Ben set down the spatula to cover one of Larry's hands with his own, squeezing gently. "I think you're doing all right so far."

Larry gave a soft, mirthless laugh. "If your definition of 'all right' is being a complete asshole to my boyfriend for a month."

Despite the uncertainty of everything, Ben couldn't help but feel a shiver of joy at his words. He leaned over to turn off the stove, taking the chicken off the heat before turning in Larry's embrace. "Am I?"

Larrys' eyebrows knit together slightly. "Are you...?"

"Your boyfriend."

Larry lowered his head a little, glancing away. "If you still want to be."

"Very much so." Ben stroked a hand up into his hair, giving into the urge to kiss him again, reveling in the simple intimacy of the act. "All that matters to me is whether or not you want me here."

Larry drew a shivering breath against his mouth. "I do, but it's not that simple, Ben...."

"Why not?" Ben drew back to meet his gaze, stroking a thumb along his cheekbone. "Larry, listen. What's important to me is that I'm in love with you and whatever I need to do to be with you I'll do it. Just please give us another chance."

He watched Larry blink hard, eyes bright, and his voice was thick from emotion when he spoke. "You don't understand. I don't do this, I've never done this, I - I've spent my life terrified of what would happen if I let myself fall in love with someone and they couldn't handle my panic attacks, so I've always called things off before they got serious. I tried so hard to believe you and I were just - I don't know, friends who had really good sex, and then John came back..." Larry stopped, letting out a long, shuddering breath.

Ben smoothed his fingers through his hair, slow and gentle, waiting. “Yeah?”

"This probably sounds dumb, but I guess I've always considered my relationship with John to be kind of a litmus test. I told myself that I couldn't date anyone if they weren't okay with me sleeping with him. But then you were so jealous, Ben, and I realized I _wanted_ you to be jealous, and I couldn't stop ignoring how much I fucking loved you and I just...." He stopped, letting out a long breath. "I don't know. I got scared, I ran. I guess thought if I could distance myself and forget about what I was feeling that maybe we could go back to the way things were when we were just casual and being with you didn't mean anything. But I can't stop _feeling_."

Ben realized he’d been holding his breath as he spoke, and he let it out in a rush of relief. “Okay. Then everything’s fine. It’s settled.”

Larry looked up at him sharply. “Settled?”

Ben wet his lips. “Yeah. I’m in love with you and apparently you love me despite your better judgment, and I’m in this for the long haul, so….” He looked up to meet Larry’s gaze, searching his blue eyes. “You’re… stuck with me.”

For a long moment Larry just looked at him, lips parting as if to say something, then closing again. Finally they turned up into the smallest of smiles. “You mean it, don’t you.”

“Of course I do.” He smoothed his hands to rest on Larry’s shoulders, one stroking the back of his neck slowly. “I’m willing to risk my career to love you. This can’t be much more difficult."

"And if it is?" Larry's words and gaze was anxious, and Ben leaned up to kiss him again, slow and sure.

"Then I'll learn how to support you best I can." He sealed the words with another soft kiss before drawing back and giving him a smile. "Let me finish throwing this salad together so we can have a bite, okay?"

Later, after the salad had been eaten and the dishes take care of, they stretched out on the couch together and put a movie on the TV, Ben wrapping his arms around his lover and urging him to lean back against his chest. It felt good, warm, nice to be close after so long apart, and he let his face rest against Larry's hair, stroking his stomach idly with the hand that wasn't twined with Larry's.

The movie didn't prove to be very engaging, and for a time Ben was certain Larry had fallen asleep, still against his chest, his breathing slow and deep. Then he stirred, hand tightening on Ben's in a squeeze. His voice was soft and small. "... Ben?"

"Yeah?" Ben pressed a kiss to his hair, returning the squeeze.

Larry twisted in his embrace, pulling back enough to look up at him. "Will you stay tonight? I can't promise I'll be up for anything other than sleeping, but... I'd really like it if you were here."

Ben smiled, leaning in to kiss him softly. "I'd love to stay."

Larry hummed softly, happily against his mouth, one hand moving to stroke into Ben's hair. "I do love you, you know. I'm sorry if I made you believe anything else."

Ben drew back to meet his gaze, feeling warm and affectionate as he cupped his lover's face with one hand. "Love you so much," he murmured in return, realizing with a soft surge of happiness that everything was going to turn out alright after all.

~~~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I was holding off on this chapter in some hopes that porn would happen, but instead it seems that they are content with ending here. :)


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